changes


when i first heard Changes by Black Sabbath with Ozzy Osbourne as the lead, i was 15 and going through changes. up to that point in my life, i really had no conception of love and loss and at that tender age, i was just beginning to learn about myself.

since then, i have met love and loss. my first love and heartbreak, my first marriage and the divorce that it resulted in, to the next couple times i opened up my heart and learned not everyone is really taught or learned how to be in healthy relationship with others.

we assume people have the know-how and presumably create unrealistic expectations about relationships. all because people display learned behaviors and can suppress childhood traumas or expectations. first clue.

from time to time, and through life experiences, i have learned breakups can be messy. not all may be heavy with low vibing energy, and those who have clean break ups are golden.

however, if one doesn’t have the healthy and effective communication skills or coping mechanisms, it can take a person down some treacherous and self-destructive and self-sabotaging paths.

until a person makes peace with themselves, the f*#%ed up behaviors they may have picked up and normalized from childhood can be unforgiving. what i learned is moving on to find health and happiness is life giving.

as i look back, i bounced back each time. although i made it, there were times when things got heavy because i had let toxic and romanticized ideas of relationship lead me. i mean, it’s cool to have emotional and romantic ideas about love and romance, but one also should be realistic and practical.

what i learned is if your person doesnt know how to do certain things, practice them. if they are unwilling to learn, walk away. emotional abuse is some of the most messed up ways toxicity is displayed. learn to communicate effectively means expressing yourself, and practicing the art of listening.

as i sit here looking at my list of things to do, Ozzy’s haunting voice reminds me, i’m still going and growing through changes. as i feel my way through this time, i have this other song come through Changes by David Bowie.

much like the butterfly, i am working through the hardest part of becoming a butterfly, the chrysalis. death literally happens before a butterfly is born. 🦋

breaking up a with a past of toxic hypermasculinity has been one of the most challenging experiences i have been growing through. i’ve posted it on social media before and can’t say it enough, working through internalized misogyny is not an easy breezy process. identifying the behaviors within myself and changing the narrative i was taught to believe has been work.

from the forms of self-loathing, self-destruction, and self-hate that have presented themselves, on more than one occasion, i recognize the process is an ever-evolving thing.

while listening to music, i realize changes are bound to happen and growth is essential. half the battle is accepting and embracing yourself. the other half is the practice of healthy boundaries, open and effective communication, and a willingness to accept that sometimes you’re the problem.

when changes start happening, self awareness also begins to occur. the practice of mindfulness and conscientious behaviors will also emerge.

it didn’t just happen for me. my life has literally been changing and when i found this song, it gave me all the feels.

as i go continue to grow through these changes, i am reminded, the only thing that is constant is change.

heres to good music, good people, and good vibrations in 5D.

what i have been experiencing and learning is that in order to create change, one must first begin the change from within.

much love and grace to all who are going through changes too.

in closing, this one song comes through, Changes by DeJ Loaf. it’s anthem music as summer begins and life’s journey got me in my feels. ♥️🦋

peace ✌🏾

love 💗

happiness ✨

and all that good stuff sprinkled around like stardust.

Categories Indigenous

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