ive been single for a while.
without having a serious date, i note that i crush, and over the years, remember that i used to think in order to get over someone i had to date to rid myself of any feelings.
i do not recommend this at all to anyone. i also think my friends got it all wrong. haha life lessons right?
what i have learned is this, when we don’t heal from a relationship, we really don’t take the time to get healthy emotionally.
and emotional intelligence is what we are to use to let go and move on from unhealthy attachments or relationships that ended. when unaddressed, they can potentially lead a person to end up dating the same type. which is what i did.
its so weird, but to be attracted to someone who is nothing like my exes is so unfamiliar and strange. like, no fights, quarrels, texts, drama, or shade. just peace and acceptance and quiet.
its strange, but also welcomed.
its taken me this long to learn that clearing out and cleansing myself has been a journey.
so much so that dating a toxic hyper masculine male is of zero interest. strange how life can do that right? if you find yourself with the same type, same personality, same drama, same what have you’s… that is a big clue. 1.) theres still more healing needed and 2.) you’ll cont to cycle out the same schtuff without realizing you are actually the common denominator.
blaming, deflecting, and projecting is a call to heal and finding yourself and the inner peace will come.
for me running a halfie was just the beginning of my healing journey. today, i still find myself working through healthy coping mechanisms and while i am much better, i still have work to do too.
i been wanting to get back into running for awhile. and starting strength training was recommended after my annual check up. it was good to hear my doctor tell me i was healthy and fit but she also to encouraged me to do more so that i can get back on track in other ways. she helped me to clear my thoughts and see things about myself that need to be cleared.
i still get triggers and what has been important for me on this healing journey is learning healthy coping mechanisms and being sober.
sobriety is also something i didn’t know before.
its so strange and unfamiliar to be sober while healing.
when i say this, i mean to say when i started my healing journey i wasn’t sober. it’s a big part of my walk and it helps me realize i actually do have something to be proud of. being single, sober, celibate, and working on healthy coping mechanisms using effective communication is huge for me.
while i don’t want to feed any fear based energy, what i do want to say is, i don’t want to mess anything up and want to take care of my future and it begins now. i been in reflection and parts of it have been ugly, but its also been freeing.
looking up to the moon this morning was beautiful. while we couldn’t see it the last two days, flying up into the sky above the clouds reminded me, just because clouds might hide the shine, it don’t mean the moon or sun or smiles aren’t shining. they are. i just got to look through and past all that hides them.
final thoughts out loud…
night time makes me emo.
sunlight makes me happy.
i want to know how to balance these beautiful ways of being.