healing my inner child

healing my inner child has been a journey of self discovery and innerstandings. i revisited feelings of peaceful happiness and cherished memories that took me back to simpler times.

la niña by Diego Rivera

what occurred simultaneously was only the beginning of learning how to reparent my inner child. the journey has been a slow and gradual process.

healing, as i have mentioned before, has been an ongoing and ever evolving process. my personal journey got deeper when i came across the painting above by Mexican revolutionary Diego Rivera.

one morning after a terrible break up, i realized i needed to get out of where i was at mentally and emotionally and found myself intrigued by that painting. it was her eyes and deep questioning of the artist. he captured her innocence so purely and portrayed a beautiful Indigenous little girl, which is how i viewed myself.

she is so beautiful.

i remember sitting on the ferry with the smell of the sea everywhere. i was on an adventure to forget what i had been grieving, en route to learn something new. filled with admiration and adoration i fell in love with her eyes.

i was en route to the inaugural Indigenous Leadership Forum at the University of Victoria and thinking about the event. with more questions about this new city i was visiting, i felt like the painting had appeared to remind me of who i was.

as i sailed towards Victoria, i also learned about maritime travel with a passport. listening to the engine and seagulls, i could see the silhouette of Victoria. excitement to be someplace new was a welcomed release.

hosted by then Indigenous Governance IGov program, in 2014, it was a collective response to the 2012 Idle No More movement and launched the Indigenous Nationhood Movement.

as i reflected back to that time, i was on a healing journey from a bad break up that essentially led me to further the inner workings of healing my inner child. my critical self inquiry had taken me down paths and forgotten memory lanes.

healing inner child work has taught me about critical awareness of my self as an adult, and the learned behaviors, and coping mechanisms i had subconsciously accepted.

learning about healing my inner child began with that painting which basically triggered and ignited my own personal revolution.

since that time i have been intentional in healing and learned to tell my inner child it’s absolutely a-okay to feel emotions and to allow them to flow and exist.

as i admire that painting, i self actualize how reparenting my inner child includes telling her its perfectly fine to express herself without fear or embarrassment and that sometimes emotions exist to help others feel too.

reparenting my inner child encompasses telling her to be mindful and hold space for herself. to pause long enough to not only allow the emotions to flow and exist, but to be mindful of what she says and does. to allow for her to also understand how important it is to be responsible for her words and behaviors.

personally, i feel like reparenting has taught me the biggest parts of healing my inner child has also been about forgiving myself; and especially for allowing certain behaviors in my personal life.

inner child work is not all that easy when shadows come through. in thinking back on my childhood, i actually had a fun and memorable childhood.

saturday morning cartoons, riding my bike, blue corn meal mush, riding motorcycles or my horse Shoe Fly or my grandma’s roan horse Redbone. spending summers with grandma had me doing something everyday.

and reparenting had me going way back and i could not remember ever being hurt or mistreated as a child. what i remembered was childhood memories of family, culture, land, language, ceremony, and Indigenous ways of being.

childhood memories flooded my healing and the painting was a beautiful reminder. one time i remember getting bucked off my grandma’s horse Redbone and laughing because i felt like the victory was missing an entire patch of cactus and landing right next to it.

i think back to the moment and while i was suspended in the air, i remember looking down onto the ground thinking i did not want to land in cactus! so i twisted and dodged it the best i could with my cat like reflexes.

it was a close call.

although i missed the cactus, Redbone took off and we spent a significant amount of time trying to get him back to the corral. i remember nahlii lady getting after him. i don’t remember what she called him, but shortly after that, he was replaced, and her next horse was named Fuzzball.

he was the coolest, grayish white gelding ever. come to think of it, every grandchild that got to spend time with nahlii knew Fuzzball. i don’t know who she got him from, but Fuzzball is a legendary horse and name in our family.

but i digress.

thoughts of summers with my nahlii lady have me thinking to this other time when she went out hunting for rabbits. she had a .22 rifle and carried it over her shoulder.

my nahlii lady was a tall slender Diné woman who wore skirts and did everything to sustain us. in thinking back to her slinging her .22 rifle, as a little girl, i thought she was larger than life. following her home from a rabbit hunt taught me the value behind the Diné teaching and philosophy of being arduous.

when a Diné woman knows how to feed her family, she and her family will never be hungry.

my inner child had separation anxiety so i hate goodbyes. they made me sad and i cried. i still cry and find that beautiful painting a reminder of childhood innocence. that is what i remember about myself.

i saw or see myself in her eyes.

i absolutely love who i have become since that time. despite the heartache and break up, which taught me more about myself, today i realize i have learned that reparenting my inner child has also helped liberate my own stifled emotions.

to let them breathe and exist knowing i am also responsible for them and to mean every word i say.

to not victimize anyone but to be accountable and own what i say. so that in choosing my words, and, if i say anything, may my words be deep and meaningful.

may i also honor and respect my words as i would myself because that is my integrity.

and to be open and honest about what i want to co-create and build.

these are just a few of my favorite things that i have found to be liberating in healing my inner child.

the painting reminds me to be gentle, kind, caring, compassionate, forgiving, and patient with myself too.

from my inner child to yours, i am wishing you a beautiful night. sweet dreams and all that is good.

Categories Indigenous

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