noodling dreamer


i often find myself engaging in illusionary thoughts.

living in this world presently requires it. intentionally staying off of social media is a must because i can spend too much time in the online space. while there, i tend to take on the emotional nature of a given subject or issue.

Indigenous issues are a always a concern for me, but so is the issue of families seeking asylum in the US and the immigrant children who are separated from their parents. the subject of being in separation from family while the states are abusing children is a heavy one.

as i journey, i also been finding myself in a space of self reflection looking at growth and change. i looked back on some of my writing recently and how i used to view things in 2014-15. i no longer think or believe what i did then.

in the same reflective nature, i have also come to learn that thoughts are constantly changing because we grow from life experiences. some of those experiences can be painful, some fun, others exciting, and also enriching.

thoughts about how i view my writing and concepts of what i struggle with are piled onto the screen (or paper for long hand) and it seems there is a never ending string of connecting thoughts and questions.

i then find myself reading to find some inspirational word to help me deconstruct and reconstruct what exactly it is that i am wrestling with. lately, its been about the settler colonial heteronormative patriarchy and its influences on the role of women around the world. especially for those societies that are not Euro-white.

i am basing my reconstruction from an Indigenous Diné and Ni’mii’puu positionality, however, also including societies such as the Mari of Syria, Islam, ancient Egypt, ancient Greece, Sparta, Indigenous people of South America, and Kaupapa Maori in Aotearoa.

i’m fascinated with what i am finding. the role of women, it appears, has been universal when it comes to motherhood. however, the classical texts were all written by men. consequently, in modern society, the publications, much like the ancient texts, also seem to focus on men. *more on this in another post.

at the moment though, formulating the right words, creating a type of scenario, feeling, and understanding for readers so as not to recreate anything or for just any ol’ person to consume is important.

in order to create something that readers can feel, i needed to study just a little bit more on what i have been wrestling with. i tend to think about how the message will come across to readers. and of my own volition, in particular an Indigenous woman, this practice helps me to see there are other ways to view the role of women around the world.

in reading literature, my brain, looks like a pile of noodles. much like noodles in pho, spaghetti, or stir fry, wrapping my mind on when settler colonialism began its subjugation of women.

learning about how the patriarchy has worked to erase women is interesting. and not in a the most interesting person in the world kind of way interesting, but interesting as in “so THATS” how it began.

in this millennia of women its amazing to see how some men are slow to accepting and supportive of women rising up. in my research, i found a book on Indigenous Amazons circa 1926 in which the author attempts to draw a correlation of evolution of the Amazonian society from “barbarism to civilization” and notes their primitivity and the patriarchal influences using Marxists ideology.

the author, presumably a 20th century scholar, is a Euro white male and attempts to try to understand Indigenous people through a settler colonial ideology that is a farce.

basically, from what i learned in critical readings and faculty mentorship in American Indian Studies classes is that white scholarship and the authority they have tried to exert on Indigenous people, since their arrival, as self proclaimed experts, demands Indigenous people to tell our own stories and requires an Indigenous critique.

the history of misogyny began back to the times of colonial empire. as i continue to wrestle with this, i am finding the more i read, the less i know about its evolution. basically, it goes all the way back into antiquity.

as i sort through this pile of noodles i will continue to read and look forward to sharing more on this sensitive subject.

Categories Indigenous

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