the ever evolving, continued healing journey is a myriad of twists and turns. despite its winding roads and off the beaten pathway realities, it is a journey of continued renewal.
as i been learning, healing from unresolved grief and childhood trauma is a constant process of checking in with one self. being self aware of the immensity of emotions that can come flooding back when triggered becomes easier to live with and embrace over time.
in addition to self awareness are the healthy coping mechanisms and practices that further the healing journey. keeping away from people who are triggering and toxic is a critical piece to inner self awareness even if they are family is equally critical. personally, it took me some time to let those relationships go. as time would have it, i began to see people for who they are and were in my life. in some moments, i truly wasn’t in good company.
as i started to become self aware, i also began to see people differently. learning myself helped me to be forgiving and understanding of others. while i also learned who i didn’t want to be in company with, i slowly started to learn to stand on my own too.
forging new relationships and creating safe spaces became important and i began to lose interest in maintaining relationships that did not serve the highest good. over all, what became more important to me was my sense of well-being and whatever it took to keep what i deemed sacred.
whether we are working on friendships, personal and professional relationships, acquaintances, or even community engagements, healing is an ongoing daily practice that does not end or begin with therapy. healing continues in the little moments when we are alone with our thoughts.
healing is a daily choice.
on this journey, what i have been discovering for myself is that i am able to discern energy. i can literally feel the energy of people, places, and things that don’t align with who i am and being self aware of that helps me. i no longer feel the need to follow or chase those friendships that really never honored me or my journey.
as i reflect back, healing from particular peoples behaviors was quite painful. i can honestly say there was a time when i sputtered for words when i first learned of the betrayal and two faced nature. i learned a big life lesson from them, and my biggest take away was how not to be.
i learned despite human nature, i needed to stand and live with integrity. as much as it grieved my heart, i was not meant to hold onto pain or victimry. i tried to hold onto friendships trying to make sense of behaviors. it took me some because i believe we are the company that we keep and i thought we were good, and had good hearts.
wasn’t i a good friend? didn’t i take care of their hearts? their family? hadn’t i always shown them love and respect? truly, i must have been someone that meant something right? man, i cried some tears the day i realized what was actually happening. while they hold a special place in my heart, today i love them from a distance.
this Mercury Rx i signed up for a healing of heart, mind, and soul for personal and platonic relationships. i forgive and love them from a distance and don’t have to say anything. it used to irk me that they would feign they were friends all along talking about me behind my back with laterally violent behaviors. as toxic as some people can be, taking that higher road was the hardest for me, especially when my ego wanted to return the pain.
one day, the truth will be revealed and their fake friendship, not only to me, but to others will be returned to them.
healing myself from that was a journey in itself and today i am looking back in gratitude. i learned what i needed and as painful as it was, i’m still standing.