healing amid COVID has taught me there are things that have lingered longer than i care to acknowledge.
healing has taught me i still gotta work through what i thought i had worked through. what i had actually done was bury the unhealed pain.
healing amid COVID has taught me about triggers. what’s worth revisiting and what isn’t. while going through my journals i found old post it notes with random thoughts i jotted down. some made sense others didn’t.
i found one in particular that was a trigger and it went a lil something like this,
“may the New Year bring the love, patience, compassion, and forgiveness.”
i was trying to remember what i was processing that day and was reeling from getting into a car wreck. honestly, i can finally write about it without getting over emotional and thank my lucky stars i was able to walk away.
i am still here. car wrecks are something else. on the eve of my 49th dance around the sun in my impatient and self sabotaging ways, i went out into the snowy weather against my own better judgment.
today, i feel bad anytime i see an old Ford F-150, the silver bullet, aka Back Roads Betty is now RIP.
she protected me even when i couldn’t see it and today im glad i am even here writing this post to y’all because the wreck shook me.
the self interrogative questions don’t end or just go away. they linger like a floating scent of coffee or a freshly cooked medium rare steak. you can walk away from them, but the lingering scent will draw you back in.
as i reflect back on that day, i was working through my own issues of mistrust and the impatience of learning how to sit with myself.
i dislike having to sit through the emotions especially when i’d rather be out on the land listening to the wind. sometimes taking a drive is all i need to recalibrate my thoughts and to feel something deeper.
that particular day, i was working through the fact that i was searching for an out. the way out is going deep within in order to heal.
looking within is much easier said than done for me especially because sometimes i have difficulty quieting my mind.
the things that were triggering that morning were linked to the fact that i was not able to express what was really going on inside.
so much unlayering when healing let alone amid COVID.
since that time i have done my offerings and given my thanks to grandmother moon and grandfather sun.
i am reminded of how many prayers, stories, songs, dreams, and wishes they have heard and listened to since time immemorial.
right now im giving thanks for every prayer ever answered and even for those unanswered. what i have learned when it comes to healing is that sometimes the gift and blessing comes from the unanswered prayers.
this morning im sending up my love and gratitude that i am able to see another day. i believe i have taken life for granted at times and today i just want to say “Thank You.”
healing amid COVID has taught and shown me sometimes being thankful is the creators way. i have lived to witness the creators grace on my life and i can’t seem to say it enough.
Hozho nahasglii ✨