its been a whirlwind and series of events for me lately.
i been meaning to post sooner but did not create the space to write about what’s been swirling in my head.
a few things i am still working through and must share i woke from one of the most vivid dreams of healing yet again.
i put some intention out a couple weeks ago and realize it took a bit for me to have this dream due to all the happenings.
the universe has been working extra hard to get me to see it’s time to get tf on w my life and stop dragging my heart around.
two years of conscious and active healing and here we are.
for the first time in two years i actually felt the earth move beneath my feet. in the proverbial sense of course, however, i would dare to say it felt like i was tripping.
at the moment i just want to acknowledge how stifling and suffocating the patriarchy can be when it comes to healing from unresolved grief and loss.
i am one of those people who will work on her healing journey everyday. i started actively healing in 2003 and intermittently, and throughout the years, i sought professional help and spiritual guidance in ceremony.
i needed something more than a Christian prayer. i needed the spirit of god but more than that, my sheer will to live a better life.
this morning i counted my prayers and sent my thanks up for all the people who were ever assigned to me from the celestial side of the universe.
i am healing from people, places, things because i made a commitment to myself that i would work on me so that my children could have a better life. what i learned firsthand is if you want to help your children, heal yourself first.
healing stops parents from enabling and handicapping their children so that they do not become codependent with dysfunctional behaviors. i speak from personal experience in dealing with a narcissistic mother who raised me and my sisters with her unhealed pain.
my mother taught me first hand how not to be but to also mother, love, and nurture my children. although i may have been a helicopter mom, i look at my children today and they are a beautiful reflection of the healing work i chose to journey on.
it was painful at times because i also had to reparent myself and understood i needed to do that in order for them to see it is completely possible to heal from unresolved historical grief AND unhealed childhood trauma.
the liberation from a toxic parent is quite jarring at times tbh. yet on that same note, it is also lighter and easier to breathe. i understand my mom more today than i ever did because of healing and it allows me to step back so that i could see for myself how it is a tremendous growth factor.
my dream showed me how liberating it truly is to choose healing.
my dream also told me what’s been holding me back.
my dream was a reminder of how far i have come and to let the past go. to leave it behind me and to walk towards my future.
i believe in myself today.
i also believe in what protection prayers were spoken and shared on my behalf.
i have so many more words to say but the only ones that stand out the most right now are Thank You.
Ahe’eeh shi Diyin Dineh.