an ode to the parents who got the assignment

As we all move beyond Fathers Day celebration some of us are still processing our parents and the parenting we received.

healing with the river

for Mothers Day i was processing the levels and stages of alcohol abuse and the domestic violence and dysfunctional behaviors we witnessed as children and were told to be silent about it.

sandwiched in between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were days and hours spent on childhood memories and the traumas of childhood abandonment. memories of my grandparents and special aunties and cuzzints who left an impression on my life. i will always be grateful for them.

as i went back in time, i remembered when i met my parents and the ways alcohol seemed to have robbed me of peace at times. at least that’s what the victim in me claimed until my professor and faculty mentor redirected me.

can i just share, actively working through childhood trauma for the last year and half had me second guessing myself while also sabotaging any of the good work i have grown through?

the triggers were connected to the times of heartache and had me thinking about how much fears and anxieties overwhelmed me. it wasn’t always in a good or positive way either.

from childhood abandonment, alcohol abuse, and the different ways domestic violence is perpetuated, my triggers are related to fears and had me up late with sleepless nights. it disrupted my usual early to rise routine, and i went on a weight loss and gain roller coaster. from the acid reflux and heartburn, i think the worst of it was the heartburn. it was hell on fire.

i sought therapy and went back to practices I had forgotten and remembered i had grown through some things already. dealing w elderly parents is not the easiest to get through when they refuse to do the work. the doozer for me is recovering from emotional abuse and relearning how to live in a healthy manner.

i have personally found, if you don’t have a partner who knows how to do this, or is emotionally and dismissive avoidant, it can be more challenging. learning how to read one another and allowing one another space to just be, no judgement and unconditional love is doing the good work too.

the work culminates this epic time on my healing journey. from journey work to yoga to EMDR to life skills coaching from Red Echo & Associates, the last 13 to 25 years were some of the biggest and significant times of my healing journey. a part of it being my Saturn return has also been at play.

i reverted back to my practices and even stood in warrior pose long enough to feel the aches and soreness. the soreness was a reminder that our spiritual and physical health is equally impt to our well being as is what we consume.

soreness as i understand is our body and muscle tissue being worked. i have muscle memory to reactivate and quite aware of what is needed, esp when dealing w family and any triggers related to large family dynamics.

those four wks in between Mothers Day and Father’s Day had me all the way messed up. i had to practice in order to feel my way back and it made a big difference.

forgiving my parents has been huge. like so big it’s at the Elf “ginormous” awareness. examples of healing reminded me how much i have grown and deeply layered the work has been esp because i perpetuated behaviors without realizing it. a big life lesson on how parenting influences and affects childhood traumas.

often forgotten, it is children who suffer and endure unhealed pain of their parents the most. most often children grow up to later perpetuate the very behaviors they despised in their parents.

it’s taken me a long time to figure out where or when it happened given i had a pretty safe and privileged Rez girl childhood.

growing up my dad was the responsible one but also the one who suffered severely from alcoholism before he stopped twenty years ago. ive been processing what it’s like to have a sober dad.

the alcohol took his memory and sometimes he doesn’t remember words he spoke or even rage he displayed. the domestic violence was felt across the lines and both my mother and step mother endured his alcohol abuse. one left before he could blacken the other eye and the other stayed.

i ain’t mad at them, maybe annoyed, but mostly i feel what my daughter did towards me and that was anger for even tolerating any abuse. you see my dads a great guy, but back then he wasn’t and it took me time to understand forgiving BOTH him and my mother was critical to my healing journey.

what has been racing through the valleys and crevices of my mind, looks and feels like what the Snake and Salmon River tributaries look like on a topographical map.

as i search through the river valleys high and low, my silky otter hide and tiny ears tell me the last two years has been healing for a lot of ppl esp me, myself, and i.

as i sit w my biological father, who survived two strokes, i am also remembering how i was raised. i was raised by a family who practices family values and taught to do the right thing.

despite how annoyed i have been with my parents, both biological and bonus, i gotta remember forgiveness helps me along my journey more than it does anyone else.

so here’s to all the beautiful parents out there who take their role as a parent for serious and here’s to those still finding their way. i am somewhere in the mix of things and relearning to learn to myself.

i don’t claim to be the best parent, however, i also think i am more than my parents were at my age, because i choose to show up for my kids and being a single mother is hard. it’s hard to find a good role model, and dating to keep dysfunctional men at bay is my normal.

looking back June has not been easy. dealing and living w the patriarchy has tried me more times than i care to acknowledge and i know now that i understand the assignment.

i am strong w my creator and welcome the blessings coming our way.

although Fathers Day has come and gone, i wish to send up my thanks. life isn’t so bad when we stop to smell the roses.

Categories Indigenous

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