my story is long and winding.
i can finally say, with some semblance of comprehension and hope, that i understand why i am fatigued.
from the heartaches, to the let downs, and disappointments, i learned anything remotely associated to my life’s journey and lived experiences w the patriarchy haven’t always been positive.
at times, it was and can be sheer and utter hell. for the last two years, i been processing childhood trauma and through this time learned i had not quite healed hurts from the patriarchy.
i myself have grown weary. living with (or rather life experiencing) the heteronormative patriarchy taught me fear and mistrust. despite my upbringing and a relatively safe childhood, i still experience the harshness of the patriarchy. at times, like today, i am ready for the release.
over the years, witnessing how the patriarchy has moved and conducted itself w its mannerisms and character unworthy of even a footnote has shown me there is still more to do. like clockwork, i have witnessed the devil really is in the details. it’s deeply seeded like in the nooks and crannies of a system that has continuously failed women and girls, not to mention young boys.
looking back, i am relating to the late bell hooks predominantly male family. she taught me it’s entirely possible to blossom in the dirt the patriarchy leaves little girls in. to my fortune, the patriarchy really doesn’t know i am a seed.
who knew i was chosen by the wolves? the long and deep stare came calling and it is a good and kind stare. wolves, much like the patriarchy, are cunning. they know who has the gift and who doesn’t.
as i look up to one of my older sisters, it was my younger brother who taught me happiness means smiling and laughing despite how ppl may view me. although some have tried to dim my light by projecting their jaded lives unto mine, they still do not know my grandmothers blessing are buried secretly in Coppermine.
channeling in my inner she wolf the thoughts formulated tell me to continue to appear meek and shallow because it reveals more of who they are than it does me. shape shift once again to remind the patriarchy who they’re messing with.
the wolf gaze is intentional and informs the others. there is no doubt i have the gift. i am the one. when they sent the wolves out to get me, what they didn’t know was the wolves turned around and called me home.
most ppl don’t know or understand how i was learned in the magic and splendor of the wolf gift. wolves call to my name and i understand quite well the gift of their protection.
there are a few things i have also learned and that is that the patriarchy has fallen and can’t get up because it is unable to speak the truth.
my story w the patriarchy hasn’t always been easy. most of the time is has been wicked.
the patriarchy is exactly why i believe in matriarchy. wolves know one she wolf and she is the diyah.
the patriarchy forgets and has a short memory. poor and distorted vision that is bent on power and control, and easily forgets how one is born and who delivers us fr Christianity.
one thing i have learned on this journey is the patriarchy and colonialism are married. they have a deep and dark past that began thousands of years ago. however, for us Indigenous ppl we have only known it for five centuries. it is possible to unlearn and rematriate.
i am halfway through my story w the patriarchy. in fact the chapter is closing and im preparing to close it out too. interim im working to make peace and not trying to let it get to me.
being told why im single by the patriarchy does not make dealing w them any easier. on the real tho, peep this… it’s true, i don’t listen… but it’s only to certain men. however, when i meet a man who is trustworthy i listen.
the she wolf in me knows when they lie. it’s the gift of the Diyah and she promised they would also guide and lead me. trusting in them to guide me through this time, i know as sure as the sky is blue, i listen and follow a trustworthy man’s lead.
when the patriarchy shows me inconsistency and lies then i surely don’t listen. as i think about that one… lies and trust do not coexist. and in order to coexist, it’s impt to be honest, loyal, and faithful unless the patriarchy wishes to continue w an unhappy life.
forgiving the first offense, the anger and stonewalling, to the misogyny and immaturity, the lack of respect, and remembering how things can easily be changed. it’s time to make sure i kiss the patriarchy on the left cheek and wish them well.
even on its deathbed the patriarchy still fights to stay relevant. they say in order to kill a snake you must get it’s head, and even though it’s head has been slit away, fr the body, it can still poison you w a bite.
crushing it’s head and burning it’s slithering withering body is how i let it go. the snake bite scars left in my right forearm were graced w Kaupapa Māori wisdom and protection. Hine blessed and protected me from the patriarchy the same way my grandmothers did. my elder taught and told me to stop looking at myself through the eyes of my father. after all, he is the patriarchy.
i am closing out the last quarter and half of my life and welcoming this next and new phase where i finally get to be w a man worth listening to and one that makes submission easy. a man worth my grandmothers blessing way rugs and one who is not a coward but protects me and my children because that’s the right thing a patriarch is supposed to do.
its taken me a long time to figure out what little i know about the patriarchy. from both my maternal and paternal grandfathers who were known medicine healers the gift is still alive. i was told in 1997 who held the gift and today i pay my respects to my Shaadi.
my grandfathers knew their time was limited and eventually had to pass the medicine bundles down and wouldn’t you know, they were given to the women. Bah, our fierce and loving matriarch, a she wolf, held onto these bundles not knowing someday, she would gift and deliver unto them those very medicine bundles.
the medicine bundles are safe. once a year, as a family, they are opened and songs are sung to protect us all. that is the gift and what we know as the new and reborn patriarchy. my clan is with the rock clan and we hail from Lupton. we come from a man who could look directly into the sun and see what ailed ppl and could sing the sickness right out of his patients.
the new and reborn patriarchy does for women and girls today what patriarchs of the past would never do. love, respect, uplift, protect, encourage, love su’more, and guide again and again knowing full well someday these little girls will become matriarchs of their homes.
the highlight of this entire post is about knowing the patriarchal influences in my life weren’t always the best, and on that same note, there were few who were the best. it was the matriarchs who balanced them out and brought love and light into their worlds.
my journey is not over and it is just getting better. coming into my own, believe it or not, it was a patriarch named Miguel who helped and lifted me up so that i could see even more what men can be like.
ever thankful and grateful for the time i spent learning in his company, i remember my Dine name that my grandmother bestowed upon me. it was a name my grandfather would tease me about often times telling me he would marry me off to the man w the big beard. imagine if we still continued with that practice?!
herein lies the reasons why i believe the new patriarchy won’t follow customs and practices of long ago. times and people change, and so should societal expectations of girls and boys. may the ways of our ancestors be sifted through and refined so that we don’t have to keep living in a perpetual patriarchal hell.
we deserve social and restorative justice too.